to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
