What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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