I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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