Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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