Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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