PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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