dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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