yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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