I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
