this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
