Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We are two peas in an std pod
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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