we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
