Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
