just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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