Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
