Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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