Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
