haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
