Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
