He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
