I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
