Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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