I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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