If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
