when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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