Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
