did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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