nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
