this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
