Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
