I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
