spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
