well I can't set my house on fire every night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
