I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
