He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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