I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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