god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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