So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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