ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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