My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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