I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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