I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
