your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize