i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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