i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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