I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
