I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
