Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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