im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
