the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
