My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
