i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Drake has all the answers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
