Soap is not a condiment
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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