Sry I called you an 8
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
