you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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