I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize