never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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