I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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