2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
These tits shall not be calmed
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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