I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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