So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
