Pappa wants mamma naked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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