This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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