So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
