So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
