Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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