I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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