i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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