I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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