I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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