So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
