the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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