Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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