I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
