Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
