How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
