I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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