I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
